It certainly seems like the Grinch stole all of 2020 not just Christmas. This month is truly difficult for many people. All over the world. It seems that life generally speeds up from Thanksgiving through the New Year! I see the adjustments of this month a relief! So much is expected from us especially during this month of December, wouldn’t giving ourselves a little quiet time a nice change? But it takes some change in our thinking.
Adjusting to a new change can be difficult. Yes, many miss what we used to know as normal and routine. It can certainly be a challenge to change our thinking. But resisting necessary change doesn’t have to be impossible to do. It is in our concentration and thinking.
Resilience is the capacity to cope with stress, adversity and change. It comes from believing in yourself and, at the same time, in something bigger than yourself.
Resilience is not a trait that people are born with: it involves behaviors, thoughts, and actions that can be learned and developed in anyone.
Children are a great example of adjusting. Young children who have experienced compassionate love and empathy from their mothers may be more willing to turn thoughts into action by being generous to others, a University of California, Davis, study suggests.
In lab studies, children tested at ages 4 and 6 showed more willingness to give up the tokens they had earned to fictional children in need when two conditions were present — if they showed bodily changes when given the opportunity to share and had experienced positive parenting that modeled such kindness. The study initially included 74 preschool-age children and their mothers. They were invited back two years later, resulting in 54 mother-child pairs whose behaviors and reactions were analyzed when the children were 6.
“At both ages, children with better physiological regulation and with mothers who expressed stronger compassionate love were likely to donate more of their earnings,” said Paul Hastings, UC Davis professor of psychology and the mentor of the doctoral student who led the study. “Compassionate mothers likely develop emotionally close relationships with their children while also providing an early example of prosocial orientation toward the needs of other,” researchers said in the study.
The study was published in November in Frontiers in Psychology: Emotion Science. Co-authors were Jonas G. Miller, Department of Psychiatry and Behavioral Sciences, Stanford University (who was a UC Davis doctoral student when the study was written)’ Sarah Kahle of the Department of Psychiatry and Behavioral Sciences, UC Davis; and Natalie R. Troxel, now at Facebook.
In each lab exercise, after attaching a monitor to record children’s heart-rate activity, the examiner told the children they would be earning tokens for a variety of activities, and that the tokens could be turned in for a prize. The tokens were put into a box, and each child eventually earned 20 prize tokens. Then before the session ended, children were told they could donate all or part of their tokens to others children (in the first instance, they were told the children were experiencing a hardship.)
At the same time, mothers answered questions about their compassionate love for their children and for others in general. the mothers selected phrases in a survey such as:
“It would rather engage in actions that help my child than engage in actions that would help me.”
“Those whom I encounter through my work and public life can assume that I will be there if they need me.”
“I would rather suffer myself than see someone else (a stranger) suffer.”
Taken together, the findings showed that children’s generosity is supported by the combination of their socialization experiences — their mother’s compassionate love (and their physiological regulation) and that these work like “internal and external supports for the capacity to act socially that build on each other.”
In addition to observing the children’s propensity to donate their game earnings, the researchers observed that being more generous also seemed to benefit the children. At both ages 4 and 6, the physiological recording showed that children who donated more tokens were calmer after the activity, compared to the children who donated no or few tokens. They wrote the “prosocial behaviors may be intrinsically effective for soothing one’s own arousal. Hastings suggested that “being in a calmer state after sharing could reinforce the generous behavior that produced that good feeling.”
The work was supported by the Fetzer Institute, Mindfulness Connections, and the National Institute of Mental Health. The journal reference is Jonas G. Miller, Sarah Kahle, Natalie R. Troxel, Paul D. Hastings. The Development of Generosity From 4 to 6 Years: Examining Stability and the Biopsychosocial Contributions of Children’s Vagal Flexibility and Mothers’ Compassion. Frontiers in Psychology, 2020′ 11 DOI: 10.3389/fpsyg.2020.590384.
For adults, here are 10 ways to develop your resilience so you’re ready when you need your strength the most”
- Don’t try to solve problems with the same thinking that created them.
- Master your emotions before they manage you.
- Stay tough and focused.
- Keep growing. Learn new ways to change thinking.
- Stay prepared.
- Pick yourself up, as many times as it takes.
- Reward the small wins.
- Keep giving and doing for others who need help.
- Build relationships
- Create your own meaning.
Enjoy this holiday season by keeping it simple while bringing peace to meaning that the holiday season is meant to be about. Creating your own meaning. Be aware of the simple experiences that we often miss during this time of year.
